When it's Time to Change

I have no idea why I chose a Brady Bunch song as the title to this entry. There have been a few developments since I last wrote.

1. I am off that horrid Trazodone and feel physically 100% better
2. My head-meds have been adjusted to address the rapid cycling I have been experiencing. Bouncing from hypo-manic to manically depressed within the space of a few days - even a few hours in some cases. It's very disorienting.
3. Chris and I are getting divorced.


Chris is unhappy about it, but will do it "if that's what you want". And it is. I have been taking out my anger and rage on him so much, and so unfairly. He deserves better. He needs a person that needs him. I am just not that person, and I regret that. What's funny is, as soon as I made that decision, my spirits immediately lifted - like this big crushing weight of tension and stress had been lifted. The prospect of being free from that is exhilharating.

As soon as he's settled with a new residence and a job, we'll be able to file for separation, and next year, divorce. We agreed that this is a "no fault" situation, and we truly wish the best for each other. This past year...we've been nothing but toxic, and I really hate that. We agreed that Ethan will stay with me, and Chris will pick him up after school and keep him until I'm off work. We'll work out overnights and weekend as we go along, but we need to keep Ethan's structure and routine our primary consideration, and we both agree on that.
I really feel that this is the best decision. We're both miserable, although Chris won't admit that. I know I am miserable, and I'm miserable and completely horrid to him. (I won't use the B word, in case my parents are reading this). He deserves better, and I know he'll find it.