My New Therapist

I'd like you to meet my new full-time therapist.

His name is Sheldon, and he's very sweet, playful and best of all...GINGER!  I've always wanted a ginger cat.

Um...something I forgot to mention

I start one-on-one therapy next week (on Bob's Birthday lol). Chris promised to not let me bail due to anxiety.

Anyhow, one thing I kinda forgot to mention, but my close friends and family who read this blog have probably known for a long time....turns out I hot only have Bipolar Disorder, but a personality disorder as well.  tghe official terms is "Personality Disorder NOS" which means 'not otherwise specified.  It's basically the clinician's way of saying "Yes, there are traits of several different personality disorders, but not enough of one for us to figure it out exactly, and we need more clinical data on this person to further define it and be able to treat it properly"  I envision that sentence written at the bottom of my patient chart as a note to my new psychiatrist ending with "She's brilliant and quirky, but I have no CLUE how to diagnostcally categorize this. Best of Luck!"

First Breakthrough

I hate that word.  "Breakthrough"  it's so clinical.  I much prefer "Epiphany". It's much more ethereal sounding. Exotic. Something that spiritual people are blessed with when they receive a great understanding.  Breakthrough just sounds like a hurdle a crazy person is finally able to figure out while everyone else goes "Well...duh!"

Life. Balance. Work.

My psychiatrist said something rather profound today. I was telling her that my employer cares abouts the wellness of it's employees. One of their internal key phrases is "Work. Life. Balance". She looked at me and said "That seems backward. It really should be Life. Balance. Work".

I thought about that and realised she's absolutely right. My employer is essentially telling me to balance my Life against my Work. My happiness lies with my family, not my job. If I want to feel peace, I need to remember the job is just the job. It's not who I am. It doesn't tell me it loves me when I arrive. It doesn't make dinner for me or kiss me goodnight and listen to bedtime stories. It's there so I can provide for my family and be able to do those things. LIFE. BALANCE. WORK.

Well shit, now I'm going to have to rename the blog.

How Long, LORD? How long?

LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.
Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint; heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in deep anguish.

How long, LORD, how long?
Turn, LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalms 6:1-4

Baby Steps

Today was a good day for me.  Chris was working at the museum today, so Ethan and I spent time together.  Wait for it.  I went outside and walked around the block. I know, right??

It's Okay to be Takei

I don't know how much more awesome George Takei can get.

The Crying Game

My days seem to be emotionally cyclical in nature.  It's nice knowing what to expect, but damn, it's exhausting.

Rorschach it to me

Today I had my first meeting with a therapist (I had been seeing only a psychiatrist up through now. He was very polite, unassuming, good natured. From what I understand, those are the Wiley ones. He asked me the usual background questions "Where were you born? Did you grow up there? How many siblings?" Etcetera. Then he pulled out a Rorschach Test (also known as the inkblot test). Now, I had never taken one before and had never seen the blots (I put a link to them on Wikipedia in the beginning of the post.

People will tell you there are no "right" or "wrong" answers, but your answers can be interpreted into such categories as human relations, male/female identity, personality, and dysfunctions.

Autobots...Get Down!

Damn I love YouTube.  Where else can you find people playing pranks on cats, re-dubbing David Hasselhoff videos into Literal Videos and an entire sequence about Transformers getting funky with MJ's classis Thriller dance?  Not sure what's up with the Christmas tree, but it's a nice touch.

Happy Zombie Appreciation Month!

On Nightmares and Zolpidem

Again to Zolpidem, I say "WTF?".  I suppose it's interesting remembering your dreams when you're awake and laughing at the absurd images - but when you take the whole "on mood stabilizers" situation into count, my dreams go from fatuously absurd to downright creepy and surreal. 

David Tennant - Olympics 2012 Petition

David Tennant - Olympics 2012 Petition: "http://www.PetitionOnline.com/Drwh2012/petition.html"

Damn Zolpidem, You Scary!

For those not aware, Zolpidem is the poor-man's Ambien.  Or rather, it's what your insurance company will stick you with unless your doctor specifies "No Substitutions Permitted" on the script he gives to you. 

The Boys Are Away...

...so instead of spending time stomping Orcs in Azeroth, I'm designing a blog.  It occurred to me that I would do myself a great service by cataloguing my journey from Hellness to Wellness.